Swimming 101 with Brian
Swimming pool socializers:
I tend to think of myself as an easy going guy with very few pet peeves. Generally as long as you don’t leave the dishwasher door open or reorganize the living furniture too often you’re cool with me. This being said, there is one thing in this world that gets my goat every time, SWIMMING POOL SOCIALIZERS.
For years I have been a blind lap swimmer. When I say lap swimmer I mean I get in the pool, swim my ass off for an hour or more, stop for no one and get the hell out! In my time as a lap swimmer I cannot tell you how many times I have been swimming along only to run headlong into a person that is STANDING in the lane gabbing away to a friend. Then, they huff at me like I saw them clearly and am clearly in the wrong. People, it’s a swimming pool!! When you get in a swimming pool have you ever noticed the rather giant coffee table placed where the lane line should be. If not, this should give you the first clue! Please, for the love of god, go converse in the coffee shop where the coffee table is and save space in the pool for those who actually want to use it for its intended purpose. Seriously folks, it makes about as much sense to socialize in a swimming pool as it does to do jumping jacks at a drive through coffee cart. I love you, you’re awesome, get the hell out of the way!
As annoying as swimming pool socializers are, it is all too easy to become one. Earlier this year I was on one of my very focused lap swims when I was stopped by an old family friend. I was glad to see him and stopped to ask him how life had been. Five minutes later I was asked to move out of the way by an irate lap swimmer, who was actually able to ask pretty nicely. At that point I realized that I had crossed that unthinkable line. I, Brian David Collins, had fallen from grace, and was caught red handed swimming pool socializing.